Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
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he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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