so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
