big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
