I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i permit you to call me
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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