Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
