on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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