All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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