somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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