Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
