I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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