We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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