haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
