I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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