dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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