we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ketchup is God's man juice
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
