just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
