D3 body, D1 cock
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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