opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
