My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
