um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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