Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
