I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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