I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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