it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
