i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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