yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
