i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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