Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
