I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
