My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
