So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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