just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
