Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
