the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
