It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Life is so much better after having sex.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
