Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
