Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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