my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
