He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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