Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
