I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
