i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
