Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
