don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
