Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
