Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
