i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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