He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's shark week go big or go home
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize