Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
