We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
