so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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