You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
