I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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