Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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