Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I intend to get homeless drunk
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
