Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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