drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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