Got a toothbrush?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We are all done wearing pants today
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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