What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
