dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
