I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
