oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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