My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
