Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
