he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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