yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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