sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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