the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
